AP: Broadening the investigation

Light Fuse & Get Away

One thing that I've found out during these latest few chapters of 'FDA Masterpiece Theater' is that, outside of the office, I'm really trying to avoid talking about the subject to people. Certainly, during the course of the workweek, Salmonella saintpaul is the thread of all conversation, from the salespeople in full metal rage mode to the who-dun-it folks with a morbid fascination to figure this thing out, even while Rome is burning.

So it should come as no surprise that by last Thursday afternoon, at the onset of the long Holiday weekend, I was fully saturated with tomato talk. Hoping to get a three-day respite from the pressure, I crept through gridlocked Chicago traffic, then the cell rang.

"Hey." It was my wife.
"Hey yourself." Witticisms have not been part of my vocabulary lately.
"So....we're invited to another party, this one Saturday night next door."

There was a time when I would've been looking forward to this type of get-together. But we were already attending a couple family gatherings over the weekend, and I knew---I KNEW---that I'd be getting grilled on the subject, much like the Johnsonville brats that are a staple of Midwest barbecues. The only difference is that I wouldn't be submerged in beer, onions & garlic powder beforehand.

Well, I'm two-thirds of the way through this wunnerful Holiday, a lunch with friends and one more small barbecue to go, and I've failed miserably at my feeble attempts to avoid discussion of the outbreak. During the village horseshoe tourney Friday (another spastic one-and-out by yours truly), an acquaintance I hadn't seen in a couple months approached me.

"Jay, wassup?"
"Grrrrrr...."
"Hey, you haven't been affected by this tomato thing, have you? Heard it might be something else now. What a country..."

By this time I'm gauging the prison time I'd serve for impaling this dolt with a sharpened horseshoe.

Yes, whether it was a well-read friend trying to sympathize, or a clueless comrade oblivious to my inner pain, I took all comers with the charm & grace of someone representing the tomato industry, trying to look forward, knowing that with the government agencies by our side, it's smooth sailing.

I just won't talk at all.

Later,

Jay